June 27, 2016

Part 2 of What I Hope You Never Experience

I knew. I knew as soon as she put the ultrasound wand inside of me that the baby was no longer there. I didn't cry yet. They called in the on-call doctor. I called my husband. That's when I started to break down. 

Trying to stay strong I told Hime 'there is no baby'. The line was bad, hospitals like to block cell phones. I tried texting him. My phone was dying. My mom's didn't have reception. 

He said he was on his way. 

The doctor arrived and he did the vaginal ultrasound and confirmed that the baby wasn't there. Well... More on that later. 

The doctor left to let me get dressed. Thomas arrived soon thereafter. I tell him what happened and the doctor comes back to explain things. 

He said that it was most likely chromosomal. Something wasn't right from the beginning. He essentially said that the baby was destined not to make it from the moment we conceived. He told us that there was nothing that we could have done to prevent it, that there was nothing that we had done to cause it. 

He went on to say that at least "we could get pregnant".... Which I found a bit rude. 

He gave me three options. The first being to not do anything and let the baby come out on its own. I knew I didn't want to do this because it had already been 3 weeks and nothing was happening. 

The second choice was to have a D & C, which means they surgically removed the baby. He didn't recommend this as it can cause damage and is invasive. 

The last and most often chosen option was to use the medication Cytotec. It basically stimulates the uterus to contract and go into labor. 

I chose the last option. 

After speaking to my sister who had once been told her baby had died and then referred to radiology to do a more thorough ultrasound in which they found my niece... I decided to ask to have a radiologist do an ultrasound. It's not that I really thought that I would be told anything different, but I couldn't take the medication without being 100% sure that the baby had died. 

When the doctor did the ultrasound he didn't show me anything. He just said the baby wasn't there. When I went to radiology the next day and they did the ultrasound I was actually able to see where the baby was and it was obvious that the baby had stopped growing. 

At nearly 11 weeks you should be able to see the head, the body... etc. What we saw was basically what we had seen at 6w5d when we saw the heart beat. I saw my OBGYN that day and she told me the baby measured 7w2d. 

So in other words the baby passed a few days after we last were in the office. What I experienced was what is called a Missed Miscarriage (or the less liked name of Missed Abortion). This essentially means that the baby stopped growing but my body did not recognize that and so the hormones stayed and my belly stayed looking pregnant, but the baby was gone. 

With confirmation that are baby was no longer alive... On the afternoon of March 16th 2016 I took the Cytotec to cause labor contractions to start. 

I will have another post explaining that process. 

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